Well, 2011 grinded to a screeching halt on me in an epidemic of busy-ness in the real world. I wasn’t able to get up about 10 reviews I wanted to, and my own commentary on the Penny Arcade vs Ocean Media fiasco will have to be saved for another time, or swept under the rug entirely. I have resolved this year to get my ass back to a better schedule of blogging, and I am going to start this weekend with the best and worst of the 2011 Red Box rentals.

A few quick notes on the best and worst lists. First, some of these movies might have actually been released in the theater prior to 2011, but they all were viewed by me in 2011 from the red box. And after all, it’s all about me! Secondly, I don’t claim to have seen ALL the movies in the red box so it is possible  that I could have missed a gem or an even bigger piece of poo then listed on here. (And yes I say top and bottom 11 b/c in both there is a 1 and 1a)

So without further ado here is the bottom 11 of 2011!

10 The American–> Clooney is in the top 5 of my favorite actors, so George as an international spy/assassin should be a great movie right? Nope. This movie lacked much of a grabbing point, was slow, and just left a real WTF sour taste in my mouth. Just not even worth the 1$ for Clooney fans

9. Somewhere–> Oh Sofia Coppola, how you continue to make movies that disappoint me. Another movie that REALLY wants to have a plot but is nothing more then a couple week snapshot of a mediocre actors life. The lack of plot and closure disturbs me about her work. Would be higher on the list but Elle Fanning was fantastic in it.

8. Blue Valentine–> I often get on severely crazed rants about this movie. I think it’s b/c all we need is 2 maybe 3 more scenes in the beginning or middle to make it a complete movie. There are some movies I don’t mind filling in the blanks myself and there are others where there are just too many blanks to fill in. Too many blanks= poor writing/directing, and that makes for an angry GeekJock. Don’t buy the hype, this movie will leave you annoyed and frustrated.

7. American Loser–> I almost didn’t put this Indy on the list b/c it is such an Indy. But, it’s confusing, frustrating and just downright boring at times. I expect more from a supposed “true” story and expect more from you Stiff-meister

6. I Love You Phillip Morris—> Wow, you will say WTF about 100x in this one. Even when you buy into the over the topness of it all, you will still wish to be killed or for it to end, whichever is easier and quicker. Jim Carey and Ewen McGregor can’t even save this ship from sinking. You will wish you had that $1.40 back after this one for sure. The time spend watching it you won’t want to speak of ever again. It’s an example of a movie that I dislike more after thinking about it later then I did when I watched it initially. Which is unusual, even for a bad movie.

5. Your Highness–> Again I SOOOO, wanted to give this one a pass b/c it’s got some funny people in it, it’s not supposed to be good, and well some nice boobs, but man I just can’t bring myself to think it’s anything other then pure crap. It’s not MacGruber crap, but crap none the less. Even if I use the “only watch it while drinking and with the guys” disclaimer I am not sure it breaks out of the bottom 11.

4. Buried–> Ryan Reynolds has the distinction of being on the top AND bottom of 2011. This one sucks b/c it kinda gets you into it in the beginning, gets ridiculous in the middle and just BLOWS at the end. Don’t waste your time seeing or even saying you have seen it. Just run away. NOW

3. Tree of Life–> Yes, I know it’s Terrence Malick. Which means either I should have known what I was getting into, OR some people would say I should respect the greatness. F* that. This is a movie that I say without a shadow of a doubt I could take, remove about 60 mins of run time and add in about 5-10 scenes and it would be good even bordering great movie. It’s got potential in the story, but Malick has to bog it down with images and metaphoric/existential bull crap. Stop trying to prove you are special and/or better then all of us Malick, we are not buying it. It’s a movie that I disliked so much after seeing it that I couldn’t even take time out of the busy last couple of months to even review.

2. Skyline–> HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU take sci-fi and make it such crap! This movie is good for about 15 mins. until “that point”. That point where it all of a sudden takes a turn to utter WTF-ness. And I don’t mean in a we all know it’s crap movie way. I can deal with that in movies that aren’t trying to be good. But, Skyline is trying to be a good sci-fi movie , and even trying to get people to buy into a sequel premise. By the midpoint you know there is no saving it and want to just turn it off. Don’t turn it off, just don’t watch it.PERIOD

1a. Never Let Me Go—> I knew when I was writing the review MONTHS ago this would be among the if not the worst movies of the year. Just pointless, slow, boring, brutal plot holes and depressing but we don’t care movie. It’s a drama/romance type with the hidden trick/surprise that it’s kinda sci-fi-y. Don’t be fooled with that. It SUUUUUCCCCKKKKKSSSS. You might be either asleep or have shot your blu-ray player by the end of the 1st act. Drab, Dreary and shitty.

1. Black Death–> Another Indy I would have kept off the list cept for the fact that it has Boromir himself (Sean Bean) in it, it’s medieval/fantasy themed and they have pushed his face and the movie so much in the box b/c of the recent success of “Game of Thrones”. The production sucks, the plot execution is even worse. You could have made this magical/horror/action flick into one with some redeeming qualities but in the end it has NONE. Burn this one at the stake before it can infect anyone else with it’s shittiness. It was so bad I didn’t even want to waste more then a couple of sentences on a review!

There you have it, 11 stinker flicks to just STAY AWAY from at the red box. Coming up this weekend, 11 movies you might actually WANT to see, and also some more sleepers I think you should see!

Trackback URI | Comments RSS